Doctor Who: The Impossible Astronaut - Series 32, episode 1 http://gu.com/p/2ztje/ip via @guardian
What is this hare shit on BBC? What is the average iq of it’s intended audience?
Canal street - glass of vino - salut!!!!!
Later you might find me tweeting from an iPhone. - or as I like to call them… a m’iPhone. #Poetry. Brilliant. Done.
Got my feet up watching The Good Life. Hope Consuela’s back doesn’t give in. #Concerned
Currently sitting in the wardrobe disguised as a corpse - waiting for the cleaner, Consuela, to find me. #aprilfools
Consuela has been given a clean bill of health - got her up a ladder doing the guttering. I’ve gone for a lay down.
Sitting in the Uni Library printing off the missing first act of my scriptwritting assignment, which the silly-bitch lecturer lost. Wanker.
Currently using twitter in the library stopping all the students from printing off their work… sometimes I can be a complette bastard.
Not going to lie - am watching Hell’s kitchen.
Good Morning World. #Hangover
Am enjoying a Tom Collins. Delish.
Opened a bottle of Bolly! Pop!
I wonder which companies have made It through to production?
You’ve got the lube #changelovetolubesongs
No party in power should allow the BNP to get more votes than them in a by-election. Shocking. Clegg’s nail in the coffin #barnsley #LibDems
‘Nick Clegg nearly as popular as Winston Churchill’ - April 2010 - oh how things have changed. http://tinyurl.com/y3tyhcw #barnsley #libdems
Dydd Gŵyl Dewi Sant Hapus! - Tidy.
A nice man has just delivered me 14 bottles of wine. Bangin’
Watching Magnum PI and eating toast. Jesus, I’m surprised Tom Selleck can walk his jeans are so tight.
Traffic looks bad this morning. Looks like I’ll have to rape and pillage my way to uni.
Ladies and gentlemen - Gin and Tonic & Jerry Springer — “Oh no he di’n’t”
DING-DING - Gin O’Clock - All aboard!!!!!! #MiddayDrinking
Finally out of bed. Just as well really… that crocodile in the wardrobe was looking pretty hungry.
If anyone can find me a nut-free box of chocolates - I will marry them. (Don’t all rush at once)
GIN O’CLOCK! Chin-chin!
Night-night Twitface… see you later.
Are sun-dried tomatoes meant to taste like jam? I have my suspicions… tricky fruity bastards….
If ever I buy a bike and become a smug wanker cycling everywhere and saving the planet… just shoot me.
And with those last three tweets ringing around my brain - it’s night-night mon Twitterati! Ciao.
Lunch by Delia….. I feel like I’ve cheated on Nigella…. fucking omlette! You’re a treacherous mistress!
Am watching ‘Fat Families’ on Living+1… podgy gay man, makes fat straight man feel inadequate… it’s like queer-eye, but on a BBC budget.
Life Update: Sitting in a robe, watching Maury, and sipping a g & t. 15 year old Tiffany sells crack, apparently. “Get out of my FACE!”
Panic over! I’ve been to buy gin.
RT @rxtheatre: And well done to @octagontheatre @OldhamColiseum @rxtheatre @The_Lowry @247theatre for their awards too. When’s the party?
Making slut’s spaghetti… or something like it… no olives! So I guess it’s Fellatiators Fusilione.
Just catching the last 20 minutes of ‘The Worlds Tallest Giant,’ followed by ‘The worlds flappiest bat,’ and ‘The Worlds Horniest Unicorn.’
Fuck. That is all.
GOD I HATE SELF ASSESSMENTS!!!!!! I know how well I’ve done, so why do I have to tell these bastards!
#breakupexcuses Look, It’s not you…… it’s your Grandma….. ;D
#breakupexcuses This isn’t going to work, I mean… I’m a sheep… you’re a man… let’s not make this awkward, shall we?
I need a fag… I need a fag right now… I swear to God someone had better bring me a fag… otherwise I’m going to drown all your kittens.
Twitter has suggested I follow @WeightWatchers ——- rude……. just rude.
Having been shouting continually for the past three weeks (for a show) - I now have a voice akin to that of a Nescafé gold-blend advert.
Show went brilliantly…. having some ‘Slut’s Spaghetti’, and then a nice sleep - 3 o’clock call tomorrow!
RT @Northernechoes: #5wordsaftersex Nick try biting the pillow
Did I expect to be spending £3225 to violate a hat-stand to ‘I Touch Myself’… no, not an IKEA prostitute…. Salford Uni - Clown School.
Who’d have thought an annotated bibliography would be this irritating… still, doesn’t matter, listening to Marianne Faithful.
I really dislike celery…. #diet